Well, I finally did it today. I emailed IDLO.
International Development Law Organization (IDLO) has been on my mind since we went there on a "class field trip" in Rome. I was entirely impressed with all I learned about the organization and what it stands for. Of course, I told myself that day that I wanted to work--or at least intern--there. But then of course, I also told myself that it would wear off and that I always say that when I get inspired by something.
But this one hasn't worn off, I just keep thinking about it so today I finally wrote them.
I don't know why I'm so nervous about it because it was just an email, it wasn't even an application of any sort.
But then, maybe I do know why. It's because there's this pattern in my life of whatever I really want to do I don't get to do it the first time I try: Alaska, France, working for the State of Alaska, the LSAT, I even put of law school applications a year...all of these were essentially career moves too.
I really, really want to be a part of this organization and learn all it has to offer me. What's more is they seem to essentially be a Compliance & Ethics-centered NGO and I am all about their mission.
But all sorts of feelings of inadequacy rise up in me. My French isn't native, my Italian needs work. (Yes, I know, I'm a perfectionist...) I'm just a small-town American girl, I lack the culture of so many others that are so much more "international" than I and so much more qualified. All those terrible internal voices of insecurity. My head knows their not true but then the same head seems to be feeding me the filthy lines, too. Regardless of the caliber of skill I possess I unequivocally have this going for me: an unquenchable drive to learn whatever it is I need to do what I'm passionate about. I will work and not tire. I know what I love and I know what I'm passionate about. I'll be interested to hear what they have to say.
I want this. I kind of wish I didn't want it so bad--I know the process of disappointment all too well. But I have to know now if I even have a chance, otherwise I need to start thinking about other opportunities for next summer. Probably here, too.
So many questions. But I keep coming back to that thing I heard this summer: "Don't give up on the international side of you, Darling. I haven't." I'll live and act on that. I know He hasn't forgotten--even if it totally feels like it sometimes.
(Day 22)
International Development Law Organization (IDLO) has been on my mind since we went there on a "class field trip" in Rome. I was entirely impressed with all I learned about the organization and what it stands for. Of course, I told myself that day that I wanted to work--or at least intern--there. But then of course, I also told myself that it would wear off and that I always say that when I get inspired by something.
But this one hasn't worn off, I just keep thinking about it so today I finally wrote them.
I don't know why I'm so nervous about it because it was just an email, it wasn't even an application of any sort.
But then, maybe I do know why. It's because there's this pattern in my life of whatever I really want to do I don't get to do it the first time I try: Alaska, France, working for the State of Alaska, the LSAT, I even put of law school applications a year...all of these were essentially career moves too.
I really, really want to be a part of this organization and learn all it has to offer me. What's more is they seem to essentially be a Compliance & Ethics-centered NGO and I am all about their mission.
But all sorts of feelings of inadequacy rise up in me. My French isn't native, my Italian needs work. (Yes, I know, I'm a perfectionist...) I'm just a small-town American girl, I lack the culture of so many others that are so much more "international" than I and so much more qualified. All those terrible internal voices of insecurity. My head knows their not true but then the same head seems to be feeding me the filthy lines, too. Regardless of the caliber of skill I possess I unequivocally have this going for me: an unquenchable drive to learn whatever it is I need to do what I'm passionate about. I will work and not tire. I know what I love and I know what I'm passionate about. I'll be interested to hear what they have to say.
I want this. I kind of wish I didn't want it so bad--I know the process of disappointment all too well. But I have to know now if I even have a chance, otherwise I need to start thinking about other opportunities for next summer. Probably here, too.
So many questions. But I keep coming back to that thing I heard this summer: "Don't give up on the international side of you, Darling. I haven't." I'll live and act on that. I know He hasn't forgotten--even if it totally feels like it sometimes.
(Day 22)
No comments:
Post a Comment