Ok girls, picture this. You walk into a restroom in any normal public venue (or abnormal for that matter--whatever that means) behind some other Yuppy lady, or young mother, or gaggle of teenage girls or a transvestite or what/who have you and they quickly jump from stall to stall trying to avoid at ALL cost any stall that has been left unflushed. They find one and then a line forms even though there are empty stalls that have nothing wrong with them except that the person(s) that previously took advantage of them simply forgot to flush the evidence! IT DRIVES ME NUTS!
I used to do this, too. It never really made sense to me, that is, unless the stalls were so obscenely foul that I might risk a sudden malady of outlandish sort (and believe me, we've seen some bad ones, haven't we ladies?), but I always waited in line and followed suit just so no one would think I was weird.
But then I asked myself: WHY? If it's just a matter of a flush, somebody's got to do it! Ok, so it's gross that whoever else was there forgot to do it, but unless you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were the first one to use that toilet for the day--like, you watched the janitor unlock the door at O'Dark thirty AM--you can pretty much assume that someone else used that toilet before you anyway. The only difference is that the the proof is visible! And bottom line: yeah, it's annoying and socially irresponsible that whoever was there before forgot to take care of their s?@t (no pun intended), but, WHO CARES?! We all forget stuff now and then, who knows, maybe you've been proccupied and unwittingly created a near death experience for an poor elderly lady who refused to enter the stall you were in due to your, yes YOUR neglect of your personal situation and who had near bladder and/or kidney failure because she had to wait in line for the more socially responsible females ahead of her in line to finish their business. Poor thing.
Just flush it and go, dangit. It's not a big deal. It is what it is. Take responsibility and be a conduit of change! FLUSH IT! YES! DO IT! And go relieve yourself. We all do it, it's OK!! I'm not talking about subjecting yourself to a health hazard such as one described above, but if it's just a matter of a wee flush, take action girls! And wash your hands. Really well, regardless of how many times you had to flush.
Just please, don't leave it for everyone else to avoid too. It pisses me off. Once again, no pun intended. :-)
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Last Night at the Bar...
I was at the local "pub" last night with some friends. It was relatively uneventful in our corner of the pub, except that I happened to have a straight shot view of a more "lively" group across the room.
When I came to meet my friends and sat down, the group across from us was just moving in as well across the way, and it became quickly apparent that at least one of the two girls in the group was incredibly inebriated. Soon, while we were began to take advantage of the trivia game cards in front of us, the girl began to loudly describe a bug bite that she had, and then proceeded to show everyone. In the process I saw parts of her I didn't need to. Later she and the other girl ended up making out upon request of yet another group in the room.
We were all appalled, me probably the most since I was sitting directly across from them. I was thinking violent thoughts (not really--I just wanted to punch her) and all the things I could say to tell the girl off came to mind. I didn't. We just left without really finishing the conversation we were trying to have.
And then I thought about it later. I could have really probably started a brawl--Exhibit A was wasted. Or at least a chick fight. I wanted to go up and give them a piece or three of my mind, because we didn't pay to see that...yadda, yadda. Then I thought about how that would never fix anything, it would just make me feel better and release a little anger.
Additionally, if I had really wanted to help reinstate some decency in the local pub for the evening (and might I just reinforce what a typically low key place this is...)--and besides going to the bartender and getting them kicked out--I could have approached the girl completely differently. Something like "you know, that's a really cute top that you have, do you think you could put it back on so that we could appreciate it?" I don't know, something to that effect. With the correct and calm delivery, probably she would have felt a little bit bad and calmed down. Who knows though, she was drunk.
I was just hypothesizing about the situation afterward because I was thinking about how we just left the situation instead of saying something--which was definitely the right thing to do, but not what my gut reaction wanted to do. And then I was thinking about how many times in growing up did my mother remind me that "a soft answer turns away wrath." And it's so true!!! Never growing up did getting pissed and spouting off angry words really get me what I want. However taking the time to collect myself and respond instead of react more than likely did. Unless I was still out of line even after I calmed down...which never happened. And sometimes just not saying anything at all is the best thing. Point in case.
So then, of course, this train of thought led to the mental question of, what is the root problem here? And honestly, I've never known of any interpersonal problem that couldn't be traced back to either miscommunication or pride. This one was, I think, a combination of both.
The said girl was acting the way she was because of an ultimate "Unanswered Question" in her life. It's classic. My reaction to her was pride, due to an overdeveloped sense of injustice. If I had gone over there, she probably would have told me off right back and who knows how things could have escalated.
Though the question of my pride is surely self explanatory, let me explain Girl's issue here. John and Stasi Eldredge, in their books "Wild at Heart" and "Captivating" do a really good job of outlining humanity's "Ultimate Question", and that is: am I loved? Now, this question manifests itself differently in men than in women. For women, their lifelong, often very deep seated question is, am I beautiful? And, am I treasured? This question is often answered by a girls father at a young age. Yay or nay. Society does it's job trying to answer it too--by saying "you're never beautiful enough". Things get really ugly, no pun intended.
A woman acting out and not seemingly having any self-respect usually makes more sense in light of this Question. Really, last night is no exception. I have a choice: I can have compassion for the root problem and see the situation last night as symptomatic of something far deeper, or I can get angry at the symptoms and react to them internally (or externally, I guess) and not think about the deeper issue.
It kind of seems like I did both, though internally. But I ran across this in reading this morning:
Therefore you are inexcusable... whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.
Ouch. Maybe what happened last night wasn't right, but neither was how I wanted to deal with it. I'm glad I wasn't the only one there and that we just ended up leaving instead of my mouth running off on the subject.
Anyway, I hope my new friend made it to work alright this morning and her hangover wasn't too bad. And I hope that she'll know someday that she's beautiful.
When I came to meet my friends and sat down, the group across from us was just moving in as well across the way, and it became quickly apparent that at least one of the two girls in the group was incredibly inebriated. Soon, while we were began to take advantage of the trivia game cards in front of us, the girl began to loudly describe a bug bite that she had, and then proceeded to show everyone. In the process I saw parts of her I didn't need to. Later she and the other girl ended up making out upon request of yet another group in the room.
We were all appalled, me probably the most since I was sitting directly across from them. I was thinking violent thoughts (not really--I just wanted to punch her) and all the things I could say to tell the girl off came to mind. I didn't. We just left without really finishing the conversation we were trying to have.
And then I thought about it later. I could have really probably started a brawl--Exhibit A was wasted. Or at least a chick fight. I wanted to go up and give them a piece or three of my mind, because we didn't pay to see that...yadda, yadda. Then I thought about how that would never fix anything, it would just make me feel better and release a little anger.
Additionally, if I had really wanted to help reinstate some decency in the local pub for the evening (and might I just reinforce what a typically low key place this is...)--and besides going to the bartender and getting them kicked out--I could have approached the girl completely differently. Something like "you know, that's a really cute top that you have, do you think you could put it back on so that we could appreciate it?" I don't know, something to that effect. With the correct and calm delivery, probably she would have felt a little bit bad and calmed down. Who knows though, she was drunk.
I was just hypothesizing about the situation afterward because I was thinking about how we just left the situation instead of saying something--which was definitely the right thing to do, but not what my gut reaction wanted to do. And then I was thinking about how many times in growing up did my mother remind me that "a soft answer turns away wrath." And it's so true!!! Never growing up did getting pissed and spouting off angry words really get me what I want. However taking the time to collect myself and respond instead of react more than likely did. Unless I was still out of line even after I calmed down...which never happened. And sometimes just not saying anything at all is the best thing. Point in case.
So then, of course, this train of thought led to the mental question of, what is the root problem here? And honestly, I've never known of any interpersonal problem that couldn't be traced back to either miscommunication or pride. This one was, I think, a combination of both.
The said girl was acting the way she was because of an ultimate "Unanswered Question" in her life. It's classic. My reaction to her was pride, due to an overdeveloped sense of injustice. If I had gone over there, she probably would have told me off right back and who knows how things could have escalated.
Though the question of my pride is surely self explanatory, let me explain Girl's issue here. John and Stasi Eldredge, in their books "Wild at Heart" and "Captivating" do a really good job of outlining humanity's "Ultimate Question", and that is: am I loved? Now, this question manifests itself differently in men than in women. For women, their lifelong, often very deep seated question is, am I beautiful? And, am I treasured? This question is often answered by a girls father at a young age. Yay or nay. Society does it's job trying to answer it too--by saying "you're never beautiful enough". Things get really ugly, no pun intended.
A woman acting out and not seemingly having any self-respect usually makes more sense in light of this Question. Really, last night is no exception. I have a choice: I can have compassion for the root problem and see the situation last night as symptomatic of something far deeper, or I can get angry at the symptoms and react to them internally (or externally, I guess) and not think about the deeper issue.
It kind of seems like I did both, though internally. But I ran across this in reading this morning:
Therefore you are inexcusable... whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.
Ouch. Maybe what happened last night wasn't right, but neither was how I wanted to deal with it. I'm glad I wasn't the only one there and that we just ended up leaving instead of my mouth running off on the subject.
Anyway, I hope my new friend made it to work alright this morning and her hangover wasn't too bad. And I hope that she'll know someday that she's beautiful.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Frustrated
Frustrated.
That's what I am. I don't know if I can entirely articulate it, but I'm going to try.
This summer was hard. Someone asked me to describe the summer in a word, and that's the word I attributed to it, hands down. "Hard" doesn't mean necessarily "bad", but it is what it is.
I had a conversation this summer with another friend, Brandy, who is in her early 30s about how my close friends and I tend to analyze ourselves to the nth degree. She said that that's what you do in your 20s--you figure out who you are, and then when you get to your 30s you just be it. I'm excited for that part of my third decade.
So, as with anything remotely difficult in life, and in being home I've naturally launched in to a time of processing and soul searching (OK, so it sounds dramatic but hopefully I'm getting the point across). I feel like I've been on the verge of tears since I left Alaska. I've also begun to feel a little bit like Derek Zoolander when he picked up his minuscule excuse of a phone and inquired into it: "who am I?" Hilarious, but there it is. And it's funny because I've always paid lip service to the fact that I don't like to be "put in a box" but I've always loved personality tests and such. And even more ironically, right now would like very much to be put in a little box so that I could at least understand myself. I mean what is going on?
So, I did a couple of online ones. The personality tests I mean. They're great, I highly recommend them--just don't pay for 'em. Don't ever pay for boxes. That's one of my mottos.
The first one was a work related one--like, about how one behaves/what one needs in the workplace. It pegged me. That felt good. It told me that I'm a "Rational", and here goes the explanation (emphasis mine--and really, feel free not to plug through this whole thing):
Rationals are the problem solving temperament, particularly if the problem has to do with the many complex systems that make up the world around us. Rationals might tackle problems in organic systems such as plants and animals, or in mechanical systems such as railroads and computers, or in social systems such as families and companies and governments. But whatever systems fire their curiosity, Rationals will analyze them to understand how they work, so they can figure out how to make them work better.
In working with problems, Rationals try to find solutions that have application in the real world, but they are even more interested in the abstract concepts involved, the fundamental principles or natural laws that underlie the particular case. And they are completely pragmatic about their ways and means of achieving their ends. Rationals don't care about being politically correct. They are interested in the most efficient solutions possible, and will listen to anyone who has something useful to teach them, while disregarding any authority or customary procedure that wastes time and resources.
Rationals have an insatiable hunger to accomplish their goals and will work tirelessly on any project they have set their mind to. They are rigorously logical and fiercely independent in their thinking -- are indeed skeptical of all ideas, even their own -- and they believe they can overcome any obstacle with their will power. Often they are seen as cold and distant, but this is really the absorbed concentration they give to whatever problem they're working on. Whether designing a skyscraper or an experiment, developing a theory or a prototype technology, building an aircraft, a corporation, or a strategic alliance, Rationals value intelligence, in themselves and others, and they pride themselves on the ingenuity they bring to their problem solving.
Rationals at Work
As a Rational, you seek to acquire and apply expertise. You thrive in an autonomous and intellectually stimulating workplace, working alongside other competent people, pursuing knowledge or creating systems. Your core need to follow the driving force of your own intelligence leads to particular career challenges. For example, recognition of your expertise may lead to your being put "in charge" of other people, as a manager, when you might prefer to remain immersed in projects of your own.
You are fascinated with developing strategic plans for others to use. In your preferred environment, you work behind the scenes while someone else takes the active leadership role. Often, you are driven to step in as leader when you become impatient with the way a project is going. In your ideal job, you independently analyze systems and make recommendations about how objectives will best be reached; someone else does the work of delegating work, motivating people, or enforcing work duties. You want challenge in your work and become frustrated when asked to merely follow routines, especially if those routines are inefficient.
It felt good to start climbing into a little box for once, and if anything it sure shed a lot of light on this last summer on the train.
I'm pretty sure the "Rational" personality toward which I lean is an ENTP, but I'll spare you the actual insertion of that profile. (Insert wink with link...) In short, this part of the examination told me that I must always be learning. No surprise there. It said also that in relationships:
"ENTP's goals...are similar to their other personal goals: improvement and growth. They constantly ask themselves questions such as: How can the relationship be improved? Where is the relationship headed? Am I growing in the relationship? They are likely to enthusiastically embrace new ideas and projects for themselves and their [partners] which they feel will propel them along their goal for growth and knowledge discovery. The ENTP's general enthusiasiam and good intentions are usually quite positive and healthful in a relationship."
Also, one website mentioned that this personality type tends to point out weaknesses and shortcomings in loved ones, not in malice, but in effort to be helpful--because they are so goal-oriented and bent on making things better. It's not often appreciated. This is so me. I do this because I crave the same from those I do this to. Does that even make sense? A former friend once told me I was a "sharp-tongued woman". I wish I'd believed him when he first told me.
I began to notice the goal-oriented part about myself this last year. I realized that must always have a goal or end in my life of some sort toward which I am working. The goal can change, even frequently, but I have to be headed somewhere. This goes for all areas of my life. And this drive has origin not just in my personality, but has an profound spiritual dimension to it. I want to be who I'm supposed to be, and am driven to become so.
For these reason, I not only crave but almost require input in my life from those I respect. Input on any and everything. I thrive on it, instead of dread it like, apparently, many. I guess this isn't typical, and I need to know that--and know it in a way that works itself out into my life and the way I interact with others: those I love so much, and even those I don't. I can come off as cold and aloof. That just means I'm thinking, I do that a lot. But I need to learn to portray what's in my heart, because a far-off froideur is not it.
I both love this and hate this innate "drivenness" about myself. Yeah, I guess it's admirable that I'm so driven to be a better person and that I'm open to criticism, but I despise as well the fact that I'm so forward moving. I'm really hard on myself as a result and get bored with people who aren't the same way. These same people who are probably panting behind me just trying to keep up.
I live this tension of logic and emotion. I'm a woman, so inherently emotional, but severely logical at the same time. And my objectivity needs to become more balanced by the emotional side of me, I guess.
I'm learning. I hope I'll get there. I'm grateful for this web-based heads up on who I'm am. Reasons don't equal excuses. It's good to have reasons for who I am, but they'll never be excuses. Meanwhile I'll keep working at it, it's a promise. It's a goal, right? And I'm sorry to those of you I've hurt meanwhile--you know who you are. Just know it was never intentional. And to those same people, I hope this all even makes sense. Forgive me.
So, I guess for now, I'll go put another pot of coffee on and keep brewing. And praying. And I'll use this time off, I guess, to be productive and get some reading done. Since apparently I can't even relax without accomplishing something! Hélas, Les Misèrables awaits me.
That's what I am. I don't know if I can entirely articulate it, but I'm going to try.
This summer was hard. Someone asked me to describe the summer in a word, and that's the word I attributed to it, hands down. "Hard" doesn't mean necessarily "bad", but it is what it is.
I had a conversation this summer with another friend, Brandy, who is in her early 30s about how my close friends and I tend to analyze ourselves to the nth degree. She said that that's what you do in your 20s--you figure out who you are, and then when you get to your 30s you just be it. I'm excited for that part of my third decade.
So, as with anything remotely difficult in life, and in being home I've naturally launched in to a time of processing and soul searching (OK, so it sounds dramatic but hopefully I'm getting the point across). I feel like I've been on the verge of tears since I left Alaska. I've also begun to feel a little bit like Derek Zoolander when he picked up his minuscule excuse of a phone and inquired into it: "who am I?" Hilarious, but there it is. And it's funny because I've always paid lip service to the fact that I don't like to be "put in a box" but I've always loved personality tests and such. And even more ironically, right now would like very much to be put in a little box so that I could at least understand myself. I mean what is going on?
So, I did a couple of online ones. The personality tests I mean. They're great, I highly recommend them--just don't pay for 'em. Don't ever pay for boxes. That's one of my mottos.
The first one was a work related one--like, about how one behaves/what one needs in the workplace. It pegged me. That felt good. It told me that I'm a "Rational", and here goes the explanation (emphasis mine--and really, feel free not to plug through this whole thing):
Rationals are the problem solving temperament, particularly if the problem has to do with the many complex systems that make up the world around us. Rationals might tackle problems in organic systems such as plants and animals, or in mechanical systems such as railroads and computers, or in social systems such as families and companies and governments. But whatever systems fire their curiosity, Rationals will analyze them to understand how they work, so they can figure out how to make them work better.
In working with problems, Rationals try to find solutions that have application in the real world, but they are even more interested in the abstract concepts involved, the fundamental principles or natural laws that underlie the particular case. And they are completely pragmatic about their ways and means of achieving their ends. Rationals don't care about being politically correct. They are interested in the most efficient solutions possible, and will listen to anyone who has something useful to teach them, while disregarding any authority or customary procedure that wastes time and resources.
Rationals have an insatiable hunger to accomplish their goals and will work tirelessly on any project they have set their mind to. They are rigorously logical and fiercely independent in their thinking -- are indeed skeptical of all ideas, even their own -- and they believe they can overcome any obstacle with their will power. Often they are seen as cold and distant, but this is really the absorbed concentration they give to whatever problem they're working on. Whether designing a skyscraper or an experiment, developing a theory or a prototype technology, building an aircraft, a corporation, or a strategic alliance, Rationals value intelligence, in themselves and others, and they pride themselves on the ingenuity they bring to their problem solving.
Rationals at Work
As a Rational, you seek to acquire and apply expertise. You thrive in an autonomous and intellectually stimulating workplace, working alongside other competent people, pursuing knowledge or creating systems. Your core need to follow the driving force of your own intelligence leads to particular career challenges. For example, recognition of your expertise may lead to your being put "in charge" of other people, as a manager, when you might prefer to remain immersed in projects of your own.
You are fascinated with developing strategic plans for others to use. In your preferred environment, you work behind the scenes while someone else takes the active leadership role. Often, you are driven to step in as leader when you become impatient with the way a project is going. In your ideal job, you independently analyze systems and make recommendations about how objectives will best be reached; someone else does the work of delegating work, motivating people, or enforcing work duties. You want challenge in your work and become frustrated when asked to merely follow routines, especially if those routines are inefficient.
It felt good to start climbing into a little box for once, and if anything it sure shed a lot of light on this last summer on the train.
I'm pretty sure the "Rational" personality toward which I lean is an ENTP, but I'll spare you the actual insertion of that profile. (Insert wink with link...) In short, this part of the examination told me that I must always be learning. No surprise there. It said also that in relationships:
"ENTP's goals...are similar to their other personal goals: improvement and growth. They constantly ask themselves questions such as: How can the relationship be improved? Where is the relationship headed? Am I growing in the relationship? They are likely to enthusiastically embrace new ideas and projects for themselves and their [partners] which they feel will propel them along their goal for growth and knowledge discovery. The ENTP's general enthusiasiam and good intentions are usually quite positive and healthful in a relationship."
Also, one website mentioned that this personality type tends to point out weaknesses and shortcomings in loved ones, not in malice, but in effort to be helpful--because they are so goal-oriented and bent on making things better. It's not often appreciated. This is so me. I do this because I crave the same from those I do this to. Does that even make sense? A former friend once told me I was a "sharp-tongued woman". I wish I'd believed him when he first told me.
I began to notice the goal-oriented part about myself this last year. I realized that must always have a goal or end in my life of some sort toward which I am working. The goal can change, even frequently, but I have to be headed somewhere. This goes for all areas of my life. And this drive has origin not just in my personality, but has an profound spiritual dimension to it. I want to be who I'm supposed to be, and am driven to become so.
For these reason, I not only crave but almost require input in my life from those I respect. Input on any and everything. I thrive on it, instead of dread it like, apparently, many. I guess this isn't typical, and I need to know that--and know it in a way that works itself out into my life and the way I interact with others: those I love so much, and even those I don't. I can come off as cold and aloof. That just means I'm thinking, I do that a lot. But I need to learn to portray what's in my heart, because a far-off froideur is not it.
I both love this and hate this innate "drivenness" about myself. Yeah, I guess it's admirable that I'm so driven to be a better person and that I'm open to criticism, but I despise as well the fact that I'm so forward moving. I'm really hard on myself as a result and get bored with people who aren't the same way. These same people who are probably panting behind me just trying to keep up.
I live this tension of logic and emotion. I'm a woman, so inherently emotional, but severely logical at the same time. And my objectivity needs to become more balanced by the emotional side of me, I guess.
I'm learning. I hope I'll get there. I'm grateful for this web-based heads up on who I'm am. Reasons don't equal excuses. It's good to have reasons for who I am, but they'll never be excuses. Meanwhile I'll keep working at it, it's a promise. It's a goal, right? And I'm sorry to those of you I've hurt meanwhile--you know who you are. Just know it was never intentional. And to those same people, I hope this all even makes sense. Forgive me.
So, I guess for now, I'll go put another pot of coffee on and keep brewing. And praying. And I'll use this time off, I guess, to be productive and get some reading done. Since apparently I can't even relax without accomplishing something! Hélas, Les Misèrables awaits me.
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