This was written August 30, this summer, all over and on the back of a piece of paper at work...I knew I'd come back to it, I guess:
8.30.10
I know how it's gonna feel, kind of. Pretty soon I'm going to be standing on the streets of Paris staring at the l'Arc de Triomphe and wondering at how far away all of these happenings are so far away from me geographically, yes, but mentally and emotionally too. But, this will all still nonetheless have become a part of who I am and how I will be because I went through it. And go through it is exactly what I want to do. To skirt around it or avoid I want very much to do on the one hand, but on the other, but on the other my prayer is that I be given the strength to LEAN into it. Not just "go through it" but do it and do it WELL. God help me.
A lot of this is true, what I wrote that day. On October 30th I'm sitting here staring from a balcony out on a Tuscan valley. I'm relaxed a bit, because Italy has been a bit healing for me this last week or so, and has "filled me up" in some respects, which is a small gift from God--I'm so grateful. But, I also am surprised to some degree had how far some of this year's events actually don't seem at the moment. I'm still processing and surrendering and wondering at the direction(s) my life takes...it's beautiful though. It's beautiful the manner in which our experiences become us in the sense that they make us "become" and they shape and mold. God, thank You for process and thank You for said experiences. May I never live merely on the surface, but always lean. Into whatever You have for me.
-T. Emerson
