The Other Side and Thoughts on the Idea of Justice

This morning, on my run, I was thinking about how many times in my life while going through a rough time I would wonder to myself if I was just being “ungrateful” for having a hard time with given circumstances and later I would look back on that season and just think in retrospect how good I had it and regret not appreciating such a “rough patch” for what what it really was.

Not sure if that is even articulated clearly, but I also realized once more this morning that every difficult season of my life that I can look back on I don’t regret going through, but I am most decidedly glad it’s over.

I’m sitting on the other side of a lot right now. I’m “happier” now than I have been in about 2 1/2-3 years. Praise God. I’ve come out healthy and wiser on the other side of an emotional roller coaster involving a few people, a foreign country (read: culture), and a seemingly eternal spell of no direction, and I am able to breathe deeper and begin to see what God has done and is still doing in me through all of that.

But, I’d never want to go back and do it again. Some moments, I realize, I made the right choice just barely. And some situations, I can see now, I got out of or through by the skin of my teeth. And only because I was tearfully on my face for a lot of it.

But He is good. Not safe, as I’m so often reminded, but good. It’s also nice to be able to look back on some of these vaguely described difficulties and know that they were legitimately difficult and that I still do not wish that could go back and “appreciate how good I had it”. I am so, so grateful to have gone through it all--but am equally grateful to be done.

Funny that such a past musing would resurface this morning on my run. Also kinda funny to have some of my past validated by a more objective and happy me now. Makes me chuckle a bit.

On a completely different note, I’m still loving my job. I knew that when God would give me a job and/or direction, it would be a veritable catapult and I wouldn’t know what hit me.

That said, I’ve long suspected that I have some sort of intellectual leaning for the law. This new job has confirmed it for me. I have found a thing that clicks.  This is the way my mind works.

I come home now a very different tired than before. Before, it was because I was on my feet all day and dealing with people--now it’s because I don’t stop learning all day, all week long. I haven’t gotten bored yet and I love that! He knows me. :)

I’ve been thinking a lot about why this is that the field of “law” resonates with me so. For all of this time and through college I’ve also felt this way about languages. Words, mother tongue or foreign--they fascinate me. At first glance the two subject matters don’t seem to relate at all. But I’ve come to realize that they do indeed. It’s kinda cool.

One of the things that I have always loved about language is that it’s very black and white in one sense--but so grey in another. You learn a set of rules, grammar, vocabulary, and all of the et cetera framework that it takes to execute the language effectively. However, all of these things are just tools to accomplish something far more grey, and that is communication.

Communication involves so much more than just the words that are said. And those who are the best at it understand this. It involves countless other nuances, including understanding your audience, body language, cultural savvy, timing...and the list goes on.

I’ve come to realize that law is to justice what language is to communication. The law is in black and white--most literally--but justice involves so much more and is inevitably situational. I love it.

I smile to myself when I think about this. Funny how two seemingly unrelated things could turn out to have so much in common, huh?

Cool.

Ebenezer.

6/9/12

Lord,

There is so much to remind me right now that You are Faithful. It is so validating right now to know that I wasn’t crazy. You really were saying wait. You really were working on and in  and through me, and You really did have something for me. I really was hearing You, and accurately.

Some of those days were really dark. You were there. You were so there.

And I learned so much.

I learned that there is a huge difference between a want and a need. Most of the time the difference is in your attitude.

I learned that living within your means is not about how much money you make it is about discipline. And understanding the difference between a want and a need.

I learned that my Daily Bread can come in any form. For me, it often appears in words. From the Bible, from others, from something I read throughout the day....but if my heart is present, I know where those words are from.

I learned that I have a tendency to find my self-worth and security in what I do or where I’m headed. In my purpose and direction. I think, Lord, I understand why You took that away from me this year, because I didn’t know that about myself. God forbid that I rest in anything but You. God, forbid that I ever forget who I am and Who I belong to. My purpose is wherever and in whatever You want, because YOU alone know exactly where you can use me not just well, but best in Your Kingdom. And God, forbid that I ever want anything but that.

I learned that my purpose can indeed sometimes best served in coffee shop. And in a French restaurant in a seedy part of town. That Your work is done anywhere. That “big things” aren’t in “big places”. That Your Economy has nothing to do with mine right now (and may mine change), because earthly geography and first world economy don’t necessarily speak to the economy of Your Kingdom. Though Yours most definitely speaks to ours.

I learned a ton about the power of prayer. It ain't messing around. And this life we live isn't about flesh and blood....Wow. May I never forget.

God, thank You, for all that You brought me through and all that You taught me this year, even though I was not always a willing student. Thank you for your grace in not letting me go “anywhere” until I did.

And thank You, thank You again for this job. May I not lose sight of the fact that this position right now is probably a stepping stone for something else. Father, may I be a ready and willing and pliable student in the office of the District Attorney and may I be prepared for what You’ll have for me next. But whatever I do and wherever I go may I not lose sight of why I get up in the morning and who I get up for. It’s for You. Who created me and has prepared every day for me in advance that I may go and live it and live it well for You. May I never forget.

Give me powers of concentration and learning here in this job. Grant me favor with my supervisor and my co-workers. May I be Your hands and feet....even if that may mean typing with those hands and going between to floors of stairs with my feet right now. May I not forget that this was a gift from You. A gift when I was ready for it.

Father, show me what firstfruits means here. I’ll give them to you. Whatever it means. And give me an ebenezer, may this be a stake in the ground that I may not forget what this year has taught me.

May this be a stake in the ground. Thank You, from a very humbled servant. Thank You for coming through. I’m sorry that You always knew You would but I didn’t. May this be a stake in the ground to remind me that You are faithful. And may I be too.....

Traci

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By Your Side lyrics
Songwriters: Donehey, Michael; Ingram, Jason David; Larue, Phillip;

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run, to where will you run?

'Cos I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in and give you life
I wanna give you life

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

'Cause I, I love you, I want you to know
That I, yeah I love you, I'll never let you go
No, no

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side
My hands are holding you