I can see how in the past, I manipulated. I manipulated some situations and relationships and circumstances, and then reaped the consequences of such manipulation. Last time, I could kind of blame myself for how things ended up and even for getting hurt. I moved on fore sure; emotionally, spiritually and certainly geographically.
This time, I didn’t manipulate any of it. I’ve waited. On Him. And it’s kept getting uglier and uglier and closer and closer. I didn’t orchestrate any facet of this whole thing--I wish I knew what was right, what to do and/or say and how to handle the whole or even a part of this thing. God, why do I end up in things like this?
Karissa once told me that “drama” can sometimes be a byproduct of actively and deeply loving others. If that is so, then let it be. I would never want to sacrifice transparency and growth and promoting both those things and more in others for the sake of living a more comfortable and more drama free existence. God forbid.
This said, God I just pray you’d give me the wisdom and strength to navigate these things with love and grace--and Truth. Never may I pursue comfort or easier to the detriment of Truth: Your heart. There’s a lot of ugly right now. Show up. Please....
Love, Your Painting.
