My school does this thing where every year we have "mentors." This year, we had both a field mentor, and a faculty mentor. The faculty mentor met with us periodically throughout the year to check in with us and give us guidance in the "field."
Mine was amazing this year. I know I've spilled plenty of ink about this already, but law school has be one of the singularly most difficult things I've ever done. I'm no where near the top of my class and as far as wavelength goes...I'm way off, it seems. I just generally feel like a fish out of water in every way--except in my international law classes. Interesting, and probably not surprising, I know.
This week was a typical low point. I've been on a mental, intellectual, spiritual, emotion and PHYSICAL roller coaster since January. So, pretty much a holistic "amusement park ride," though not much of it has been amusing. Wednesday night I got some more "low" news and found myself, yet again, on my face, this time specifically asking for encouragement. Thursday morning, I got an email from Rome suggesting--randomly--the possibility of a 6 rather than 3 month internship. WOW. Did not see that one coming. (Sidenote: still working on the details of this, I need it to pay and I need a visa to make this work, so we'll see what they say to that....)
And then Friday afternoon this incredible conversation happened. Funny how God looked like an incredibly in-tune, relational, and kind professional man sitting in front of me on Friday. This lawyer spoke right to the issues...like, all of them. It went something like this:
"So, I read your essay. And it was good, it was...introspective."
"And late."
"Well, I wasn't going to go that direction, actually. I wanted to say that I see that you struggle with the gap in maturity between you and your colleagues, but you handle it well. I think that you engaged in the class the way it was supposed to be engaged with."
"Well, wow. Thank you. Because actually, I was going to apologize for sometimes taking things deeper than maybe they were meant to be over the course of the year."
"No, you didn't."
"Hm. Interesting."
"Actually, I wanted to say that I can see that you struggle with the maturity gap between you and your classmates right now. It's definitely there, but you did a good job of being you, and going as deep as you needed to go, but letting others be where they are at, too."
"Wow, that's...really perceptive of you. And...thank you. I don't really know what to say."
"And I hear you when you are honest and say it was a tough year, but I just wanted to tell you that, when I was in seminary, I hated it. And I had a mentor tell me that that was a good sign. He pointed out to me that never again would my life look like how it did in seminary, studying, being forced to do all kinds of "requirements," all that goes away. And he said that if I didn't like that way of living, that's good, because it's not realistic. It's not life."
"This is true."
"I telling you this because law school is the same way. I think the fact that you hate this is the very thing that will make you a good lawyer."
"Wow. Again, thank you."
"And as far as professional development goes, I'd just say to you: don't lose your edge. All of the 'edges' that I've picked up about you are good ones--and they're exactly what sets you apart. So, I'd just encourage you not to lose them. I'd categorize you as a pretty passionate person, and I've worked with a lot of people, a lot of women, and both of those all over the world. You're on the passionate side, and just don't lose sight of that in the culture around you."
I didn't really know what to say to this man, except thank you for the umpteenth time. I was humbled, and knew that God had specifically shown up in this man's perspective on Friday. Words that will echo in my mind for a while, I think, and basically this message: "you're on track--keep going."
I needed to hear that. Thank you, dear faculty mentor, for channelling your gift of perception my direction for a moment. It's a blessed moment to be the beneficiary of someone else's gifting for an instant. I lived that Friday afternoon.
And again, I'm waiting on Italy. With much more peace than I have been. I'm going, it's now just a question of how long. I keep hearing this still small voice, though of "lake life, remember?" God is good. I just get to sit back and see what that looks like in this situation.
3 weeks. I'm so excited. :)
Mine was amazing this year. I know I've spilled plenty of ink about this already, but law school has be one of the singularly most difficult things I've ever done. I'm no where near the top of my class and as far as wavelength goes...I'm way off, it seems. I just generally feel like a fish out of water in every way--except in my international law classes. Interesting, and probably not surprising, I know.
This week was a typical low point. I've been on a mental, intellectual, spiritual, emotion and PHYSICAL roller coaster since January. So, pretty much a holistic "amusement park ride," though not much of it has been amusing. Wednesday night I got some more "low" news and found myself, yet again, on my face, this time specifically asking for encouragement. Thursday morning, I got an email from Rome suggesting--randomly--the possibility of a 6 rather than 3 month internship. WOW. Did not see that one coming. (Sidenote: still working on the details of this, I need it to pay and I need a visa to make this work, so we'll see what they say to that....)
And then Friday afternoon this incredible conversation happened. Funny how God looked like an incredibly in-tune, relational, and kind professional man sitting in front of me on Friday. This lawyer spoke right to the issues...like, all of them. It went something like this:
"So, I read your essay. And it was good, it was...introspective."
"And late."
"Well, I wasn't going to go that direction, actually. I wanted to say that I see that you struggle with the gap in maturity between you and your colleagues, but you handle it well. I think that you engaged in the class the way it was supposed to be engaged with."
"Well, wow. Thank you. Because actually, I was going to apologize for sometimes taking things deeper than maybe they were meant to be over the course of the year."
"No, you didn't."
"Hm. Interesting."
"Actually, I wanted to say that I can see that you struggle with the maturity gap between you and your classmates right now. It's definitely there, but you did a good job of being you, and going as deep as you needed to go, but letting others be where they are at, too."
"Wow, that's...really perceptive of you. And...thank you. I don't really know what to say."
"And I hear you when you are honest and say it was a tough year, but I just wanted to tell you that, when I was in seminary, I hated it. And I had a mentor tell me that that was a good sign. He pointed out to me that never again would my life look like how it did in seminary, studying, being forced to do all kinds of "requirements," all that goes away. And he said that if I didn't like that way of living, that's good, because it's not realistic. It's not life."
"This is true."
"I telling you this because law school is the same way. I think the fact that you hate this is the very thing that will make you a good lawyer."
"Wow. Again, thank you."
"And as far as professional development goes, I'd just say to you: don't lose your edge. All of the 'edges' that I've picked up about you are good ones--and they're exactly what sets you apart. So, I'd just encourage you not to lose them. I'd categorize you as a pretty passionate person, and I've worked with a lot of people, a lot of women, and both of those all over the world. You're on the passionate side, and just don't lose sight of that in the culture around you."
I didn't really know what to say to this man, except thank you for the umpteenth time. I was humbled, and knew that God had specifically shown up in this man's perspective on Friday. Words that will echo in my mind for a while, I think, and basically this message: "you're on track--keep going."
I needed to hear that. Thank you, dear faculty mentor, for channelling your gift of perception my direction for a moment. It's a blessed moment to be the beneficiary of someone else's gifting for an instant. I lived that Friday afternoon.
And again, I'm waiting on Italy. With much more peace than I have been. I'm going, it's now just a question of how long. I keep hearing this still small voice, though of "lake life, remember?" God is good. I just get to sit back and see what that looks like in this situation.
3 weeks. I'm so excited. :)
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