In the few moments that I have had time in which to interact with home (or essentially: people not from law school) I get the obvious question: “is it what you expected?” Funny how I expected a lot of things but somehow didn’t manage to expect that question. Fail. There’s not a yes or no answer to that, but then that’s true for the majority of questions.
Logic would say that I really don’t have time to write about this because I’m in the throes of midterms and my life has been utterly turned upside down in the last month to where I hardly know how to breathe anymore (I'm beginning to think reading is the new breathing). And actually, that’s true because my back issues have flared up so much that I started having to go to weekly physical therapy where I learned that I breathe wrong...awesome. However, my state of mind is such that I think I need to write this, so here goes.
Here’s what I expected: a lot of work. And that expectation has been fully realized. The workload is every bit as much as I thought it would be and right now, truly, I should be up to my chin in Civil Procedure but I’m doing the non-logical thing instead and giving all of you that a) care enough to read this and b) read thus far the absolute delight of being privy to my thoughts. This in hopes that unloading my mind of all this will be cathartic and I’ll have more clarity to effectively absorb Federal rules about jurisdiction.
Next, I expected to be tired, and that has also been reality. I have never been one to do well without sleep and one night of a mere 4 hours of sleep was a rough day that ended in a rant about how people should shut up more…thank you Katie for your good nature in laughing me off. Although, I must confess that even my rested self sort of feels that way, too.
I also expected to meet cool, like-minded people. And I have. But what I didn’t expect was to feel so overwhelmed by, well, presumably everything new in my life that my normal level of needed social interaction would be severely diminished. I don’t have as much energy for new people and new relationships as I thought I would, and that has resulted in fewer relationships than I expected. I guess that will come, after all it’s the first month. But the classmates that I have connected with are truly wonderful, and all of them are team players. From what I’ve read this can be hard to find in the culture of law school. And really, I think I would be fine to stick with my group too. :)
But then, there are those things that I certainly did not expect—or rather “foresee” (because that’s the legal term). I didn’t expect to feel so old. I love my life and the experiences but don’t love how isolating they can be sometimes. Enough said, it is what it is. Many of the students around me, indeed most, are significantly younger and that contributes to a different mentality about a lot of things. I’m learning a lot from it, and I’m learning a lot about what I’ve learned too—if that even makes sense!
I didn’t expect my law school classroom experience to be so“cliché”, or rather “classic”. It’s exactly how you’d imagine it: brilliant person with copious initials at the end of his name stands in front of the amphitheatre-like room posing ominous socratic questions and upon answer tears down a young mind’s attempt at brilliance all in the name of shaping future legal minds and thereby the nation itself. Pretty interesting to both watch and participate in. There’s usually sweat involved too, and I’m not exaggerating.
I shouldn’t say that I didn’t expect this next part, rather I was unprepared for it: my classmates love to talk. A lot. For much of my life I think I’ve been one of those, but the older I get the more I realize the profound value of listening and absorbing what’s going on around me. I’m having a hard time separating the chatter from the substance and this is something I need to work on. I find myself reverting to judgment before compassion and frustration before trying to understand and as a result I’m just as guilty of what I think they’re doing: behaving without thinking the behavior through first. I am a lot different now than when I was in undergrad.
I was most unprepared for this, though: I miss Alaska. I really thought when I left in April that I may have been saying goodbye to “home” there and that my life would quite possibly not take me back. And certainly, that’s still on the table because if 30 years has taught me anything it’s, quite emphatically: anything can happen. But in the last few weeks readjusting to a place where the only things that are congruent with my life in Alaska are Katie, my vehicle, and my furniture, what has emerged is an aching for Alaska that I didn’t think would be there anymore. I guess it’s really true that it gets in your blood. So, that said, if nothing intercepts me—to which I will remain ever open and willing—I’ll be headed back that direction. I’ve already even got some internship options/ideas for the summer of 2015. I’m also working on some of my new buddies too…we’ll see, not sure I’ll have much luck.
It's been interesting that this experience has reminded me slightly of my time in Paris. That feeling of not knowing people--or at least not knowing them well (yet)--not knowing the area and not having people to go explore it with; finding myself wondering about everyone back home with the little mental space that I have left; being exhausted from building a new life, but being excited by it all at the same time....ugh....Wow. I had forgotten how so much sudden change can produce such vast array of emotions in such a short time span. It's funny to have these sensations come back, but at least this time I can do all this in English, and I don't have to do immigration again. *Shudder*
Well, now that I’ve “purged,” I’ll use my new catharsized (is that a word?) posture to focus on Federal Subject Matter and Personal Jurisdiction. This post means that it will be a late night making up for this "lost" (not really) time. Maybe next post will be about the Midwest. Stay tuned.
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