It has been, shall I say, quite a 10 years since I began seriously journaling. And since, for some sub to whatever type of conscious degree, the number 2010 is inspiring in me more than just the ordinary year-end reflection and review, I’ve determined to read through the past 10 years in my journals; as painful as it may be to literarily review my immaturity of the last decade.
I’ve only yet scratched the surface of this said undertaking, and though I haven’t reread much of a percentage at the moment, one thing has already struck me. There are some certain questions and issues and/or struggles that keep coming back into my life perennially. And by “perennial” I do mean, every year. It would seem that in some things, I never learn my lesson. Though, I’m not sure I’m supposed to look at it that way.
It’s a blessing and a struggle to hash through these again in my journaling, but I do have to say that although the principle of any of these mentioned (and purposefully vague) “issues” remains resolutely the same each time, there always seems to be a new twist on any and all of these perennial “weeds” in my life--equally and simultaneously stalwart and itinerant. It’s always the same “lesson”, but always different too, and often in a different area of my life.
This being said, it’s also surprise to me that the similar “epiphanies” on things keep coming to me as well; each a little different--if not slightly ameliorated--each time.
All of this comes to mind in considering where I was personally last year at this time. I wrote a little about my journey last year, and thanked some who had also been victims or beneficiaries of my little process in life. Mostly patient and forbearing victims. I also wrote about something that I’d learned about “knowledge”. I’ll try and summarize it:
Ultimately, I think that a healthy “knowledge” of something often blossoms into compassion, but there’s a process to getting there. It’s kind of like a butterfly.
There's a difference, I think, between knowing an idea in your head and "knowing" and understanding something in your heart in such a manner that it works itself out kinesthetically into your life and actions. Most of the time, this gap between knowledge and understanding is most effectively and genuinely bridged by experience with/in the matter. The best words that we have for this transformation of knowledge is perhaps "understanding". And then action upon this turns eventually into "compassion".
Metaphorically put, this whole principle is kind of like a caterpillar. It starts out as knowledge of a fact, a bug; it turns into an understanding of the idea via experience with it, a chrysalis; and it can then metamorph into something amazing and uniquely beautiful if nurtured and encouraged, eventually compassion when this new mature knowledge is able to be externalized. Compassion comes out into your life looking like myriad virtues, foremost probably being kindness. This is the ultimate goal.
Basically, we all can "know" or even believe something, but it doesn't mean that every one of our living moments and actions look like it. It's a experiential process to synergize these two "categories of knowledge" together--and it takes a lifetime.
This realization/could-be-better-articulated theory comes back to me again this year when, once again I’m aware of some things that I would love--this year and decade--to undergo metamorphosis. I’m excited to have re-realized all of this and even to recognize a rhythm of growth in my life. Even if something feels the same as before, I can see that if it’s growth, it’s always forward moving. And that’s encouraging.
I guess I’m going to have to get used to the phenomenon of resurrecting past epiphanies on a regular basis, the same way I’m going to have to get used to learning the same lessons in my life over and over--each time with a new facet or “shade” to it. And as boring as that sounds when put into words, it’s definitely nothing sisyphean. There’s not anything monotonous about it, and I’m profoundly grateful for that. I’m hoping to begin to settle into this newly identified rhythm and appreciate the personal growing “seasons” found therein.
That said, here goes 2010 and the next decade of journaling. Cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment