High Standards (?)

(Written August 2007)

My dad told me once that I had high standards for people. I wondered for a while what exactly he meant by that and wondered if he was right. I asked him about it later and he said that I expected people to live what they believed and back up what they say with their life, because I expect myself to do the same thing. He was right. He also said that not everyone was like that, and to be aware of that. I didn't want to.

My sister once told me that I have a very strong sense of injustice. She threw me off guard when she said it because I instantly knew she was right and I had never before articulated that about myself even cerebrally. My mom was sitting right there and began to nod her head without a moment's hesitation. They're all right, really--My dad, mom and my sister. I'm not sure whether to hate these things about myself or not. I guess the issues of high standards and strong sense of injustice are more than marginally intertwined, eh?

I see now, in retrospect, things and people that have happened in my life that prove both my "high standards for people" and this apparent "strong sense of injustice". I'm beginning to see now as well how some frustrations in my life right now have to do with that, and I don't know how to change it.

Why can't people just do what they say they will? Why can't they just live by their ideals? Or, at least, admit it when they fail and then get back up again and keep trying. I guess that's most important to me: the effort to make one's words and ideals correlate with his/her actions on a day to day basis or a verbal acknowledgement of failing whenever it occurs.

However, In my "defense" I guess you could say, I do tend to assume the best about people at first. I don't just expect them to be/do what they say, but I assume that they do. And then I often get disappointed. And/or hurt. But I assume the best about others (or try to) because I would want them to do the same for me. So, for me not to do so would be hypocritical of myself.

So I willfully remain naive about many people, for such reasons. But I do fail sometimes. Actually often. Sometimes I don't give people the benefit of the doubt when I should. But when I do, I want to be called on it. I want those around me to tell me when I'm being hypocritical because I don't want to be that way. Friends want friends to become better people, right? But never does this mean that one doesn't love them implicitly--warts and all. I need help, and expect those closest to me to give input.

So then comes the part when I assume that everyone else has the same "benefit of the doubt" philosophy for others in life and get hurt when the reality that my dad warned me about hits. A lot of people say one thing and do another. We all do. This sucks.

We're flawed. We're a freaking flawed race. It's heartbreaking. Everywhere, if one pauses long enough, I think that we can all see the way some, if not a lot of things should be and aren't. Things "should be" one way and then you throw people in the mix and it screws everything up. We screw everything up because we can't be what we want to be. Or we are what we want to be, and what we want to be is utterly all about us. Did that make sense?

There are two types. There are those whose ideals and/or belief systems say to put others first. Because, in reality, if life were all about each one of us and each one of us only, it just wouldn't work because our lives are so intricately intertwined and webbed, really. Our actions DO, in fact, affect others and it's impossible to not live with ramifications of that fact. Impossible.

Then there are those that ignore such a little reality and proceed to live their lives looking out for "1" at all times and mow through life, sometimes at the expense of others--plowing down those around them.

I realize that these are two extremes, and maybe we all have moments in either category, but these different poles of life philosophies must be considered. Self-examination must occur to make this world a better place. It starts with me. It starts with you. It starts with the individual. Is anything ever truly corporate if every last individual does not participate? Everyone must do their part. And it's frustrating because there's no way to make that happen. Which end of the life philosophy spectrum do I fall on today? Yourself?

We're flawed. We can't judge one another about it either, because we're all that way. I believe it pretty strongly.

It's ugly isn't it? I just think that it would be a lot better place if we could all assume the best about one another because then I think we'd all desire more to live up to that....I may have high standards, but I'm still not so sure that they're too high.

I know this sounds incredibly idealistic. And perhaps this is written with more Pathos than Logos, but I'm throwing it out there for discussion. And thought. I guess I'll keep brewing this one...