So I don't usually take posts like these personally, and they certainly don't really get under my skin but this time somehow I appear to be the face on this blog post; and since this has been brought to my attention it has been on my mind a bit: my photo comes up on many (if not all) websites that share a link to this post and I’m not sure how that happened. TO BE CLEAR: I am not upset about the photo itself, but I would like a moment to contribute to the message that the writer sends out. Since Facebook is the forum where most of this has been shared, here I go! Feel free to share.
Although I wholeheartedly agree with some of the points that Brianna Wiest makes, I honestly don’t feel great about my literal image being representative of all of these views. So I thought I’d respond to Ms. Wiest with all due respect and with a few of my own thoughts because, after all: that’s my face (well, half of it.)
That said, this original article was meant to be empowering, and so is what I’m about to contribute. Thank you Brianna Wiest for a heart to lift up the women around you. That said, this is just a perspective, and a personal one: so please take it as that. :)
25 Things Every Woman Should Have By The Time She Turns 25
BRIANNA: 1. Enough confidence to no longer feel the need to justify what she eats, who she dates or what she wears, not only to other people, but to herself.
ME: Yes. I agree that every woman “should” be here by the time she’s 25, but getting here is a journey that looks different for every woman and doesn’t have a date on it. It’s a difficult road and once you get a taste of what it’s like to be “there”, it’s a security in oneself that takes maintenance.
BRIANNA: 2. The goal of a bank account with a few months’ living expenses in it, if she doesn’t have that already. Just in case.
ME: YES. I’ve never quite had that, but YES a thousand times anyway.
BRIANNA: 3. Only the phone numbers, Facebook friends, weekend plans, and roommates she actually wants.
ME: Agreed! But I think the deeper principle here is that a woman should understand that in respect to relationships the value of quality far outweighs the the value of quantity, and she should actively be living that out….SO please don’t take inventory of my Facebook friends and phone contacts here and call me hypocritical. ;)
BRIANNA: 4. A best friend who is like a sister.
ME: ABSOLUTELY. But she should also be comfortable not having to call any of her girlfriends her “best friend” too, for true “best” is not in one individual. And that’s okay. But it is wonderful that we have some girlfriends closer than others. :)
BRIANNA: 5. A space of her own.
ME: YES. YES. YES. Not just physical space either, but she should also be (at least) on the road to becoming comfortable enough in her own skin to be a) by herself and b) understand what it means for her to have her own mental and emotional space.
BRIANNA: 6. A good idea of what she needs in a romantic relationship, not just what she wants, or what she thinks she needs, and the willingness to explore different people and other ideas to find what exactly that is.
ME: Very well said. I think this ties into a woman truly knowing and understanding herself, too, well enough to know the things mentioned above.
BRIANNA: 7. A closet of what she considers to be her “staples,” and among these things, something to wear to an interview, funeral, wedding, impromptu Friday night drink at a casual bar and dream date if ever someone were to call out of the blue.
ME: Totally. :)
BRIANNA: 8. The tact and grace to ask for a raise, a promotion, a change in a relationship or a date with someone she’s into.
ME: Sure.
BRIANNA: 9. The faith that she deserves those things.
ME: I don’t agree with this: I despise the word “deserve”. There is a culture of entitlement in our society that says we “deserve” so much that we FLAT. OUT. DON’T. I think I woman should be aware of when she has earned a promotion, when a relationship is unhealthy, and when she could have met someone with romantic potential for her and she should strive for the courage to pursue positive change.
BRIANNA: 10. A favorite coffee order, go-to restaurant for when friends visit from out of town, hairstyle that takes less than five minutes in the morning, “thank you” cards in her desk drawer, the print copy of her favorite book, and bedding that she is proud to show off.
ME: All of these things make me smile and nod my head. :)
BRIANNA: 11. A hobby that has nothing to do with drinking, shopping or somebody else.
ME: Wonderful.
BRIANNA: 12. The recipes for a number of easy meals memorized.
ME: Or…at least memorized where they’re at!
BRIANNA: 13. The desire and discipline to actually cook for herself. (Just herself.)
ME: Because it’s healthy and wise—not just physically but financially as well!
BRIANNA: 14. A trip she tells awesome stories about and a trip she has awesome plans for.
ME: Yes. But travel wisely!
BRIANNA: 15. A sense that she’s let go of resenting other women for what they do or don’t have over her.
ME: I think this relates to #1. This is a journey and not necessarily a destination and it, once again, takes maintenance. This is important and every woman struggles with it. Don’t be discouraged if you’re not “there” at 25 but don’t give up, either!
BRIANNA: 16. Enough of a healthy relationship with her body that her contentment no longer hinges on comparison, or what her partner would think.
ME: Please see Nos. 1 & 15.
BRIANNA: 17. At least one date in her memory with the kind of partner who wouldn’t care about those things anyway.
ME: Sure, that would be nice to have by the time you’re 25, right?
BRIANNA: 18. Forgiveness if she’s dated men who haven’t quite matured as quickly as women tend to in their early 20s.
ME: Hm. I guess with my dating history (or lack thereof) I cannot really speak to this. I’ll step aside on this one.
BRIANNA: 19. The knowledge of what she wants in bed and the confidence to ask for it without feeling uncomfortable.
ME: I am particularly “uncomfortable” with this. Not EVERY 25 year old woman should have this “knowledge”. More on this later.
BRIANNA: 20. A drill, a non-stick pan, a credit card line nobody else has access to, a bra that she was measured for at the store and working knowledge of how to change a tire, unclog a pipe, make an investment and find shoes on the extra 40% rack.
ME: I concur. The only thing I’d add is that with the possession of all those belongings should come the knowledge of how to effectively and responsibly use all of them. And the shoes ARE an investment!
BRIANNA: 21. A relationship with her mother, even if it’s the decision that their relationship will be at least functioning, if not familial.
ME: YES. The importance of this cannot be underestimated.
BRIANNA: 22. A passport, a sturdy piece of luggage, and the ability to pack the essentials at a moment’s notice should she be offered the chance to get away for a weekend, a week, or a whole new life.
ME: I believe this, too. But I also know that traveling takes a lot more than applicable material things—it also takes the courage to get out of one’s comfort zone. The latter should be a constant pursuit.
BRIANNA: 23. The following emergency kit: Tylenol/Advil, eyedrops, a tampon, hand sanitizer, a fresh pair of underwear, a travel sized toothbrush, hydrocolloid bandages for blisters, $20 cash, a condom, and Plan B.
ME: This is where I take the most issue. EVERY woman must choose her birth “control” (though—I believe—most “control” in life is a mirage), and some women choose not to use it. But Brianna, please allow for those of us out there, few though we may be, who are alone and have chosen abstinence over condoms and pills AND for all the throngs of women of any relationship status that choose to approach this issue in a conscientious, ethical and even moral way that may not involve said items specifically. Not every woman needs all of these things in her emergency kit….
BRIANNA: 24. Forgiveness for who she was.
ME: And hopefully a willingness to at least begin to learn how to forgive others that have scarred her in life, too. We all have them.
BRIANNA: 25. An idea of who she wants to be.
ME: AND A WILLINGNESS TO LET THAT IDEA GROW TOO.
