'Tis not the time of life
To be merely suffered through
It's rather to be savoured--
Every moment known as true.
The Painter has a vision
To which the Canvas is not privy,
Tis only for the Canvas,
Her postion to go on living.
She wimpers all the while, impatient
Wondering what the Painter sees
He smiles and continues, just pliant
He to has plead with her to be.
He talks her, from time to time,
To remind her that He loves her
This small creation in the making,
Forgets often that she's authored.
Adoring ever is this Painter,
More so than his subject
Who forgets to love the process
And the becoming of the object.
It's not the end that matters
It's the progress that is made,
For truly no stroke is formed
That the Artist has not bade.
-T. Emerson
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Noiseless
Oh for the state of the noiseless soul
To release in me, encompassing and whole
That no static and soundless noise may intrude
On the subtle, mute, waveless interludes
Of a soul so engrossed in a pure existence
Total and aware of true purpose and instance.
I long for the peace of a seeming isolation
That never dispermits any other relation.
A balance--that for which it must be striven
Effort or more must hitherto be given.
-T. Emerson
To release in me, encompassing and whole
That no static and soundless noise may intrude
On the subtle, mute, waveless interludes
Of a soul so engrossed in a pure existence
Total and aware of true purpose and instance.
I long for the peace of a seeming isolation
That never dispermits any other relation.
A balance--that for which it must be striven
Effort or more must hitherto be given.
-T. Emerson
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Once Upon a Time and Someday
I believe in the rest of the story
I believe there's still ink in the pen
I have wasted my very last day
Trying to change what happened way back when
I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach from me until?
Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For someday
We are born with a lingering hunger
We are born to be unsatisfied
We are strangers who can't help but wander
And dream about the other side of?
Every puzzle's missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rests in the Hands that hold you for someday?
-Nichole Nordeman
It is mind boggling to think or imagine that even the most beautiful things we experience now are only divorced and compartmentalized facets of what used to perhaps all fit together, and now cannot. Someday it'll once more be as it was once upon a time. And maybe be even more real because Man will know the difference.
I believe there's still ink in the pen
I have wasted my very last day
Trying to change what happened way back when
I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach from me until?
Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For someday
We are born with a lingering hunger
We are born to be unsatisfied
We are strangers who can't help but wander
And dream about the other side of?
Every puzzle's missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rests in the Hands that hold you for someday?
-Nichole Nordeman
It is mind boggling to think or imagine that even the most beautiful things we experience now are only divorced and compartmentalized facets of what used to perhaps all fit together, and now cannot. Someday it'll once more be as it was once upon a time. And maybe be even more real because Man will know the difference.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Listening
Invisible and between the lines
Sing shades we may only see sometimes:
When looking beyond the Obvious,
In quest for those things more dubious.
A symphony plays in shades untold,
As Clandestine yearns herself to unfold.
Only regard and no judgment cast--
The two become friends, meeting alast.
The synergy then is so worth the wait,
Understanding now reaches penultimate state.
-T.Emerson
Sing shades we may only see sometimes:
When looking beyond the Obvious,
In quest for those things more dubious.
A symphony plays in shades untold,
As Clandestine yearns herself to unfold.
Only regard and no judgment cast--
The two become friends, meeting alast.
The synergy then is so worth the wait,
Understanding now reaches penultimate state.
-T.Emerson
Thursday, February 26, 2009
So, Funny Story....
I went to get my hair done last week. For me, this means I went to get it cut. I’ve never dyed my hair so this lady got pretty excited about my “virgin hair”. More on her to come. I hadn’t had it cut since June when I (regrettably) chopped it off and I just wanted to get it trimmed again, and whatever.
I just dropped into the place without making an appointment and actually ended up getting the person that my friend Amanda recommended to me, so I was thrilled, I thought. Her name was Michele (pronounced Michael). She was interesting, she made me laugh to be sure. She asked ALL about me, my family, etc. She was pretty excited that somebody had recommended her to me. I’m always struck by the hair salon culture when I go in there. It’s so like how they depict it in the movies: feminine and gossipy. I get a kick out of it, usually.
So, eventually, it came up that I had worked in Alaska for a couple of summers. She asked what I did up there. I paused for a moment to think of how to, once again, explain what my job up there was. She took this pause as an opportunity to ask with a slight smile “were you a dancer?”.
Trying not to laugh and process too much on the spot whether or not I was supposed to be flattered or what, I said that no, and I worked in tourism. Then I realized that I’d better qualify that too. I explained that I had waited tables on the tour train my first summer and then went back as a manager...."Oh, ok "she said, and didn’t really ask much more about it, but did say of course that it seemed really cool. I smiled, still surprised.
The conversation moved on about my family and education and where I was from. She commented that I was very well dressed for a girl from Canby. (I was wearing a skirt?) And she then asked about my ethnicity.
I shrugged, once again trying to determine where she was going with the question and non-chalantly mentioned a small percentage of Native American heritage but mostly that I was “Caucasian”. I felt like I’d just checked a box on a form. Weird. She then said “Huh, I would have thought something else.” I think she saw my puzzled look and then continued, “like, African American or something.” And then she proceeded to say something about my lips or something while I actually thanked her this time, almost reeling. Indeed, it is a compliment. I just didn’t see it coming!
We finished the haircut and she curled my hair. Something I never would have done, but whatever I said. I left and tipped well because, dancer or not, I do live on tips and I understand how it goes. Walking out to my car I was still trying to put it all together. She thinks I look like an African American stripper?! I’m still not sure what to think. At least I marginally like the haircut....
I just dropped into the place without making an appointment and actually ended up getting the person that my friend Amanda recommended to me, so I was thrilled, I thought. Her name was Michele (pronounced Michael). She was interesting, she made me laugh to be sure. She asked ALL about me, my family, etc. She was pretty excited that somebody had recommended her to me. I’m always struck by the hair salon culture when I go in there. It’s so like how they depict it in the movies: feminine and gossipy. I get a kick out of it, usually.
So, eventually, it came up that I had worked in Alaska for a couple of summers. She asked what I did up there. I paused for a moment to think of how to, once again, explain what my job up there was. She took this pause as an opportunity to ask with a slight smile “were you a dancer?”.
Trying not to laugh and process too much on the spot whether or not I was supposed to be flattered or what, I said that no, and I worked in tourism. Then I realized that I’d better qualify that too. I explained that I had waited tables on the tour train my first summer and then went back as a manager...."Oh, ok "she said, and didn’t really ask much more about it, but did say of course that it seemed really cool. I smiled, still surprised.
The conversation moved on about my family and education and where I was from. She commented that I was very well dressed for a girl from Canby. (I was wearing a skirt?) And she then asked about my ethnicity.
I shrugged, once again trying to determine where she was going with the question and non-chalantly mentioned a small percentage of Native American heritage but mostly that I was “Caucasian”. I felt like I’d just checked a box on a form. Weird. She then said “Huh, I would have thought something else.” I think she saw my puzzled look and then continued, “like, African American or something.” And then she proceeded to say something about my lips or something while I actually thanked her this time, almost reeling. Indeed, it is a compliment. I just didn’t see it coming!
We finished the haircut and she curled my hair. Something I never would have done, but whatever I said. I left and tipped well because, dancer or not, I do live on tips and I understand how it goes. Walking out to my car I was still trying to put it all together. She thinks I look like an African American stripper?! I’m still not sure what to think. At least I marginally like the haircut....
Monday, February 9, 2009
25 Things.
So, this started out as a Facebook thing.I didn't intend to participate it, but I actually really enjoyed reading others' stuff and began to actually put thought into the whole thing. So, here's for those that expressed interest in knowing more about me. A list of 25 things that I've been thinking much about:
1. One of my life goals is to learn to like tomatoes.
2. I don't like to run or swim.
3. I didn't carry a purse until I was 18 years old.
4. I was a Level 8 gymnast at one point. To put it in perspective, Olympic level ("Elite") was 11.
5. I hate to wear a watch and most jewelry. My cell phone is my clock.
6. I was supposed to be named after a girl named "Tacy" in the Betsy & Tacy books that my mom read as a little girl and that I in turn read as well (over and over). My dad didn't like it but instead approved "Traci".
7. I always wanted red, curly (ringlets) hair like Tacy did in the books.
8. My first crushes were literally on characters in books: Henry in the Boxcar Children, Ned Nickerson in Nancy Drew, and Joe in the Mandy books.
9. Also as a child, I had three imaginary friends named "We'll see", "Maybe Later" and Julia. Julia was the name of Tacy's older sister in the books.
10. I don't mind eating the heel of a loaf of bread. I've never really had an aversion to the crusts either.
11. I have a small head. I only have a handful of hats because it's hard to find them that fit.
12. I hate "dangling confict". I want to resolve it as soon as I know it exists.
13. I'm an ENTP. Heavy on the N and the T. This explains the former statement and so much more about me.
14. I actually don't mind doing the dishes so much. It's the little finish work afterwards I don't like: sweeping, counter tops, etc. Annoying.
15. I went through a "gardening" phase once. I got into it so much that I even knew many of the latin names of popular (and not so popular) plants. My favorite was "campanula carpactia". I'm going to have it in my garden someday.
16. I am really insecure about my ignorance of pop culture. I was homeschooled and still struggle sometimes with being "different" because of it. I hate it when people look at me like I'm an idiot for not knowing something "everyone should know". It makes me want to hide and cry. I'm not kidding.
17. Ever since I went to Guinea, Africa (this is weird) the smell of body odor and/or tobacco smoke doesn't bother me as much because it reminds me of being there.
18. I'm very bad at managing money. I'm working very hard at it, so don't be surprised when you see me religiously balancing my checkbook. It's the new me.
19. I have a fiery strong sense of injustice that I cannot help. I'll probably spend the rest of my life learning to temper it.
20. One of the highest compliments someone can pay me is that I made them think.
21. That said, my "love language" is words of affirmation. Sometimes I wish I didn't need so much of it, it makes me feel high maintenance. I work so hard to not need it, most people have no idea.
22. I know I'll live overseas one day. Perhaps soon.
23. I never had braces and I tan fairly easily. I could name a ton of things I hate about my body--but it's far more constructive to concentrate on the things I don't.
24. I tend to live in the future more than the present. My mind is a world of possibilities that sometimes causes me to struggle to live every moment to the fullest.
25. I secretly love the way my nails sound when they're tapped against glass or wood or metal. I haven't always had long enough nails, so I enjoy them.
1. One of my life goals is to learn to like tomatoes.
2. I don't like to run or swim.
3. I didn't carry a purse until I was 18 years old.
4. I was a Level 8 gymnast at one point. To put it in perspective, Olympic level ("Elite") was 11.
5. I hate to wear a watch and most jewelry. My cell phone is my clock.
6. I was supposed to be named after a girl named "Tacy" in the Betsy & Tacy books that my mom read as a little girl and that I in turn read as well (over and over). My dad didn't like it but instead approved "Traci".
7. I always wanted red, curly (ringlets) hair like Tacy did in the books.
8. My first crushes were literally on characters in books: Henry in the Boxcar Children, Ned Nickerson in Nancy Drew, and Joe in the Mandy books.
9. Also as a child, I had three imaginary friends named "We'll see", "Maybe Later" and Julia. Julia was the name of Tacy's older sister in the books.
10. I don't mind eating the heel of a loaf of bread. I've never really had an aversion to the crusts either.
11. I have a small head. I only have a handful of hats because it's hard to find them that fit.
12. I hate "dangling confict". I want to resolve it as soon as I know it exists.
13. I'm an ENTP. Heavy on the N and the T. This explains the former statement and so much more about me.
14. I actually don't mind doing the dishes so much. It's the little finish work afterwards I don't like: sweeping, counter tops, etc. Annoying.
15. I went through a "gardening" phase once. I got into it so much that I even knew many of the latin names of popular (and not so popular) plants. My favorite was "campanula carpactia". I'm going to have it in my garden someday.
16. I am really insecure about my ignorance of pop culture. I was homeschooled and still struggle sometimes with being "different" because of it. I hate it when people look at me like I'm an idiot for not knowing something "everyone should know". It makes me want to hide and cry. I'm not kidding.
17. Ever since I went to Guinea, Africa (this is weird) the smell of body odor and/or tobacco smoke doesn't bother me as much because it reminds me of being there.
18. I'm very bad at managing money. I'm working very hard at it, so don't be surprised when you see me religiously balancing my checkbook. It's the new me.
19. I have a fiery strong sense of injustice that I cannot help. I'll probably spend the rest of my life learning to temper it.
20. One of the highest compliments someone can pay me is that I made them think.
21. That said, my "love language" is words of affirmation. Sometimes I wish I didn't need so much of it, it makes me feel high maintenance. I work so hard to not need it, most people have no idea.
22. I know I'll live overseas one day. Perhaps soon.
23. I never had braces and I tan fairly easily. I could name a ton of things I hate about my body--but it's far more constructive to concentrate on the things I don't.
24. I tend to live in the future more than the present. My mind is a world of possibilities that sometimes causes me to struggle to live every moment to the fullest.
25. I secretly love the way my nails sound when they're tapped against glass or wood or metal. I haven't always had long enough nails, so I enjoy them.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Musings on Contraries and Home
I have reading ADD. I've known this for a long time. First, I can't ever just read one thing. I usually am reading some opus of some sort (Dumas awakened a newfound passion in me for LONG books--so rewarding) and then I have to read other shorter things meanwhile. Otherwise I potentially lose interest. The other way this "disorder" manifests itself is in my propensity to want to read whatever other literature is mentioned in what I'm reading.
For example, once, I was reading a biography of Emily Dickinson and the author kept making reference to two of Emily's lifetime favorite pieces of literature. Being the nerd I am, I had to read them (I've read one and a half of these said pieces and still not finished the biography), so I even found these obscure titles on eBay. Oh dear. Someday I'll get to the rest of the biography. To make a long story short, I have the tendency to go on weird and sometimes lengthy reading rabbit trails. It's strange, I know, but...it's awesome!
This same thing happened once when I opened a piece of C.S. Lewis'. This time I actually finished the Lewis piece, probably partly because the literature he referenced was not long: it was William Blake's Marriage of Heaven and Hell. An excellent poem. I loved especially that, as Blake was an artist as well as a poet, this particularly short epic was illustrated. :-)
All of these circumstances came to mind the other day in a conversation with a friend about being "home". We'd both been gone over the summer, and I had been gone on successive adventures for the last two and a half years. I'm home for a bit this time--a larger chunk of time than normal--and a certain line in Blake's Marriage came to mind:
"Without Contraries is no progression. Attraction and Repulsion, Reason and Energy, Love and Hate, are necessary to Human existence." (I find it interesting his choices in capitalization. He capitalizes "contraries" but not "progression", "human" but not "existence". However, I have no conclusions on this, only observations.)
Anyway, the part I like best is the first phrase. I thought of it the other day because of the theory behind it. Contraries offer a lot more than just progression, I believe, and I think Blake knows this. It's just a succinct way of drawing attention to the principle that nothing would be seem to us humans as "good" or as "bad" as it is, perhaps, with out the notion of the opposite. I don't think even "good" and "bad" is the best way of categorizing "everything". I think that's probably why Blake just stuck with "contraries". How fitting.
Anyway, this was brought to memory because of being home, and the conversation I was having about it the other day. I've recently gone on a six week road trip around the US. I saw a total of 30 some states and even made it into Quebec. And what's interesting is, coming home, Oregon has never seemed so green. Every time I leave and come back, home is a little more beautiful. The landscape may not change at all, but my appreciation of it is deeper because I'm more familiar with it's "contraries", that is, just other places that are not Oregon--however beautiful they may be in their own way. And we live in a beautiful country.
And Canby. It's so bittersweet sometimes coming back to the town where I grew up. I love and hate the small town environment. Everybody knows everybody. That fact alone can be beautiful or hideous depending on the character of the individuals involved. It's both here at any given time, I've come to realize. And above all, I guess, it just is what it is. I love and look forward to running into some people and feel blessed to be around so I can do that. But then, I actually dread any serendipitous occasion involving some other individuals in the community. Whatever. I just need to deal with it. I'm beginning to wonder if that's part of the reason why I'm here. I didn't plan on staying here in Oregon until I went back to Alaska. But, here I am. Again bittersweet. Although, I have to say that it's pretty awesome to have a bedroom! And to myself!
And, the in the last two and a half years, I've pretty much gotten my little Christian "bubble" popped. In a good way, certainly. I've learned so much and seen a lot. And all of it--well, most of it--has helped me learn to appreciate where I'm from and what I've got. Geographically and otherwise. But the appreciation of the geographical part is definitely a more recent development.
So these days, the joy that fills my heart on a beautiful Oregon day is incredible! My heart now skips a beat sometimes when I get that perfect view of Mt. Hood rounding the corner. I never tire of it. I get excited when it starts raining after a dry spell, I want to run outside and smell that first scent of fresh fallen rain. Love it. I even love the rain!
The other morning I was walking to my car with a cup of coffee in my hand and I suddenly got that feeling I used to get as a little girl whenever I would wake up in the woods in a tent. The feel, the smell of pine around my parent's semi-country home and even the irritating squawk of a distant crow made the moment perfect. I stopped in my tracks and had to smile. So good. And then it passed, and it was good too. The fact that I don't live in that moment makes it better when it comes.
It's good to be home. And with more appreciation. Not many can say that they're from such a beautiful and diverse place. I'm blessed. I guess I still won't know for a while whether I'll actually end up here, but I'll appreciate the contraries and progression meanwhile--or at least do my best!
And, while I've got so much time on my hands, I think I'm going to keep attending to and feeding my reading ADD! I'm on to The Brothers Karamazov at the moment. And Old Man and the Sea. And a biography of Frank Lloyd Wright. Sigh. This I'll do from my bedroom where, on a clear day, I can see the tip of Mt. Hood from my window. Amazing. And I'm DEFINITELY going to keep enjoying the Oregonian coffee. There's no place like home.
For example, once, I was reading a biography of Emily Dickinson and the author kept making reference to two of Emily's lifetime favorite pieces of literature. Being the nerd I am, I had to read them (I've read one and a half of these said pieces and still not finished the biography), so I even found these obscure titles on eBay. Oh dear. Someday I'll get to the rest of the biography. To make a long story short, I have the tendency to go on weird and sometimes lengthy reading rabbit trails. It's strange, I know, but...it's awesome!
This same thing happened once when I opened a piece of C.S. Lewis'. This time I actually finished the Lewis piece, probably partly because the literature he referenced was not long: it was William Blake's Marriage of Heaven and Hell. An excellent poem. I loved especially that, as Blake was an artist as well as a poet, this particularly short epic was illustrated. :-)
All of these circumstances came to mind the other day in a conversation with a friend about being "home". We'd both been gone over the summer, and I had been gone on successive adventures for the last two and a half years. I'm home for a bit this time--a larger chunk of time than normal--and a certain line in Blake's Marriage came to mind:
"Without Contraries is no progression. Attraction and Repulsion, Reason and Energy, Love and Hate, are necessary to Human existence." (I find it interesting his choices in capitalization. He capitalizes "contraries" but not "progression", "human" but not "existence". However, I have no conclusions on this, only observations.)
Anyway, the part I like best is the first phrase. I thought of it the other day because of the theory behind it. Contraries offer a lot more than just progression, I believe, and I think Blake knows this. It's just a succinct way of drawing attention to the principle that nothing would be seem to us humans as "good" or as "bad" as it is, perhaps, with out the notion of the opposite. I don't think even "good" and "bad" is the best way of categorizing "everything". I think that's probably why Blake just stuck with "contraries". How fitting.
Anyway, this was brought to memory because of being home, and the conversation I was having about it the other day. I've recently gone on a six week road trip around the US. I saw a total of 30 some states and even made it into Quebec. And what's interesting is, coming home, Oregon has never seemed so green. Every time I leave and come back, home is a little more beautiful. The landscape may not change at all, but my appreciation of it is deeper because I'm more familiar with it's "contraries", that is, just other places that are not Oregon--however beautiful they may be in their own way. And we live in a beautiful country.
And Canby. It's so bittersweet sometimes coming back to the town where I grew up. I love and hate the small town environment. Everybody knows everybody. That fact alone can be beautiful or hideous depending on the character of the individuals involved. It's both here at any given time, I've come to realize. And above all, I guess, it just is what it is. I love and look forward to running into some people and feel blessed to be around so I can do that. But then, I actually dread any serendipitous occasion involving some other individuals in the community. Whatever. I just need to deal with it. I'm beginning to wonder if that's part of the reason why I'm here. I didn't plan on staying here in Oregon until I went back to Alaska. But, here I am. Again bittersweet. Although, I have to say that it's pretty awesome to have a bedroom! And to myself!
And, the in the last two and a half years, I've pretty much gotten my little Christian "bubble" popped. In a good way, certainly. I've learned so much and seen a lot. And all of it--well, most of it--has helped me learn to appreciate where I'm from and what I've got. Geographically and otherwise. But the appreciation of the geographical part is definitely a more recent development.
So these days, the joy that fills my heart on a beautiful Oregon day is incredible! My heart now skips a beat sometimes when I get that perfect view of Mt. Hood rounding the corner. I never tire of it. I get excited when it starts raining after a dry spell, I want to run outside and smell that first scent of fresh fallen rain. Love it. I even love the rain!
The other morning I was walking to my car with a cup of coffee in my hand and I suddenly got that feeling I used to get as a little girl whenever I would wake up in the woods in a tent. The feel, the smell of pine around my parent's semi-country home and even the irritating squawk of a distant crow made the moment perfect. I stopped in my tracks and had to smile. So good. And then it passed, and it was good too. The fact that I don't live in that moment makes it better when it comes.
It's good to be home. And with more appreciation. Not many can say that they're from such a beautiful and diverse place. I'm blessed. I guess I still won't know for a while whether I'll actually end up here, but I'll appreciate the contraries and progression meanwhile--or at least do my best!
And, while I've got so much time on my hands, I think I'm going to keep attending to and feeding my reading ADD! I'm on to The Brothers Karamazov at the moment. And Old Man and the Sea. And a biography of Frank Lloyd Wright. Sigh. This I'll do from my bedroom where, on a clear day, I can see the tip of Mt. Hood from my window. Amazing. And I'm DEFINITELY going to keep enjoying the Oregonian coffee. There's no place like home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)